Shannon’s 100 word challenge

Shannon 100 word challenge

Suddenly a huge monster leapt in front of us, I started to scream. It grabbed us and covered us with it’s green slime. This time it was Sophie’s turn to scream. We ran as fast as we could, holding hands. Then we came to a dead end. So we ran back and spotted Michael, he karate chopped the monster in the belly and green slime oozed out of his ears, nose and mouth. Then he fell dead on top of Sophie. We had to pull and pull to get her out, then we ran home as fast as we could.

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13 thoughts on “Shannon’s 100 word challenge

  1. Shannon,
    I can just imagine what Sophie looked like at the end running home covered in slime. 🙂 Your sizzling start hooked me and I had to continue reading to see what happened to your characters and the monster. Well done Shannon.
    Mrs Scharf & 5SK
    Bowen, Australia
    http://yr5sk.edublogs.org

  2. Hi Shannon,

    This is a great first entry to the 100wc. I like the way you describe yourself screaming, then going on to describe Sophie’s scream. It really builds the description well.

    I look forward to your next 100wc (as well as more posts on your new blog!)

    Keep writing,

    Mr Connor
    http://www.2013year5.stjosephsblogs.net

  3. Good, gripping action scene! Fantastic use of in medias res to shove the reader straight into the action.

    Fast scenes need fast, short sentences, so I’d split the first sentence (“Suddenly a huge monster leapt in front of us. I started to scream.”). If you’re not screaming all the way through, perhaps change the second sentence to “I screamed.” In the middle, drop the filler words at the start of sentences (“We came to a dead end. We ran back and spotted Michael.”) At the end, I was confused about whose ears the slime was coming from, and who ended up dead. Perhaps the monster could be “it”, not “he”?

    “We ran as fast as we could, holding hands.” I love the way you paint a really strong image in just a few words. I can see exactly what the characters are doing, even the expressions on their faces.

    Perhaps it’s the 50 anniversary, but I can see this being a great scene from an episode of Doctor Who.

    I want to know what happens next!

    • Oh, another thing! This is really important, and I’m sorry I missed it first. Your plotting in this scene is brilliant. The characters succeed at just about everything they want to do, but every success turns into a complication that makes their life more difficult. (The monster attacks! We escape. We’re trapped! Michael kills the monster. Sophie’s under the body! We eventually pull her out.) As the situation snowballs, the reader gets drawn more and more into the scene.

      There are a lot of professional writers and scriptwriters that can’t manage this trick, so well done for pulling it off so well.

      (The irony of writing 292 words for a 100 word scene hasn’t escaped me…)

  4. Well done Shannon! I love your 100WC! Your style of writing is fantastic – I think I would enjoy reading your stories 🙂

    You have used some great description that really hooks the reader.

    I can tell you like writing by the way you have written this piece! Keep up the great work!

    Mr Marnick
    Yr3 Teacher
    Blackpool

  5. Well done Shannon. This is a great piece of writing. I really like the way you’ve used repitition like ‘pull and pull’ to paint a very clear picture in my mind. You’ve also used different ways to start your sentences. I’d love to know what happens next!
    Mr Reetz
    Queen Eleanor Primary School
    qeps.primaryblogger.co.uk

  6. Shannon I really liked how you said ‘it was Sophie’s turn to scream. Thanks for including me in it. I look forward to seeing your next 100 wc.

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