Hannah’s description of Naboo

Naboo is a majestic planet, full of birds and wildlife.

As you enter Naboo the first thing you see is a huge, dome-topped building. Its domes are light blue but have faded so they look even lighter.  Below the domes are scarlet red roofs. The side of the building is, in some places, smooth, in other places, rough. Around the building there are tall deep green pine trees. There’s another type of tree as well , it’s a lighter green ,wider, shorter and fatter than the other type of tree.

At least 5 normal waterfalls could of fit in the one at Naboo. The pale, baby blue water is crystal clear and foams and splashes into white foamy water at the bottom of the waterfall.


3 thoughts on “Hannah’s description of Naboo

  1. Hannah,

    You have really focussed on the details in the setting, thinking carefully about ever detail in a scene before moving on. Well done as lots of people can find it tricky to be specific. I would like to hear more from your other senses as well as sight. What does it smell like in Naboo? What do you hear near the dome-topped building?

    I can see that you have tried to include an introduction which is a general opening for your piece about the planet Naboo, however, a few more pieces of information to entice the reader would make that opening stand out much more. You have stated what is on the planet but what about a few more general comments as well e.g. is it well known for having lots of waterfalls? Or why are you there? What’s the first thing you notice for a quick glance? Here is an example:

    Naboo is a majestic planet, full of birds and wildlife with a surface covered by dense forests, rolling grass plains, lakes and verdant hills. A large mountain dominates my first gaze, rising high up to the clouds and watching us all go about our daily tasks. This area is known for its natural beauty, and was the reason I first approached the planet. Upon arriving, I was not disappointed.

    From here you have set the scene and you can now go on to add more detail to the things which you have mentioned and really pull out that detail like you have done in your following paragraphs.

  2. We’ll done Hannah it was really good I was able to remind myself how Naboo looks like and my favourite part was when you said baby blue water but in one of the sentences I thought of maybe instead of saying normal you mite be able to say maybe something like mean but other than that it was a fantastic piece of writing.

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